I’m back home from Seattle. The signing went well, and Richelle has pics up on her blog. I don’t photograph well AT ALL, so I should just add that I AM roughly the size of a house in real life, despite recent weight loss, though not nearly so double-chinned. (Heh.) Mark Henry also blogged about the earth-shattering event. Richelle gave a fantastic reading, hilarious and well-accented, about pothead demons. I read the first two chapters of the upcoming first Jill Kismet novel, Night Shift. Mad props to Duane at the University Bookstore, who puts together these events and is always a darling, darling man.

Confession time, dear Readers: I am terrifyingly, mortifyingly, horrifically shy. That’s why I hide behind a laptop, yanno, and write these stories. So readings are a particular species of nerve-wracking valleys of darkness for me. (I had to grab the water bottle and hold it under the podium so the shaking of the liquid inside wouldn’t show how hard I was trembling.)

I put up a good front, having had enough experience by now in being in front of a group of people to not…well, faint. Though the roaring in my ears and the hammering of my pulse did make me shaky (and I suspect, not my usual self during the question and answer section) I don’t think I did too badly.

People are often surprised when I tell them I’m shy. I certainly don’t seem shy here on the blog, or in my books. That’s because I have the laptop as a screen–a shoji, if you will–between me and the vast masses of humanity. But at a signing, I am often seized by the terrifying thought that suddenly everyone is going to start laughing at me–and not because I’ve made a joke. I’ve evolved a series of strategies for dealing with this crippling, mind-numbing, heart-racing terror (and do NOT think I am exaggerating. If anything, I am downplaying the exact size of this irrational fear) and most of the time they work pretty well.

Then there’s times like the signing on Friday, when my mind blanks and I am frantically trying to remember who I am, what I’m doing, and what I should be doing next. I suppose it’s the writer’s version of vapor lock.

Anyway, that’s boring, and I suspect I’m laboring the point. On to interesting things. After the signing we PARTIED.

We all went to Richelle’s beautiful little condo and had a wonderful time. Kat Richardson, Mark Henry, Cherie Priest–all the Seattle greats were there. Kat and I are double trouble when we get together, and I did my standard thing at parties–I shut out the idea of a crowd by just focusing with all my might on one person and what they’re saying to me. Reflective listening skills happen to block out my shyness, and if I focus one-on-one the shyness isn’t nearly so bad. Plus there was social lubricant–aka a glass of rum lightly misted with lemonade, then some red wine–to take the edge of panic off, and I’m hoping a good time was had by all. Halfway through the party the fire department was called–by the apartment complex ACROSS THE STREET, no it was NOT MY FAULT, but you could immediately tell the writers in the room because we clustered around Richelle’s French door and watched the fire engines in search of research material.

Heh.

I was driven back to the hotel by a very nice young couple whose names I have forgotten, because I am Very Bad with that sort of thing and they were introduced while I was on my third glass of wine. The husband is a teacher, I think, and we spent some time discussing Kirkland, what it would take to start a barfight in downtown Kirkland, the male psyche, Oprah, and several other items that I can’t repeat. The wife was completely sober (a Designated Driver for the evening, bless her) and found all of us highly amusing. So: thank you, both of you.

Anyway, I stayed an extra day in Seattle just to take a wee bit of vacation, and also to recoup my strength. Which was nice–if you live in the Seattle area, the Malabar on 42nd and University serves some very fine Indian food. I eat a LOT of Indian food, and I have to say this is some of the best I’ve had. I also spent a great deal of time in Twice Sold Tales, talking to the cat and poking around in stacks of used books.

The drive home was sunny and mid-Sunday traffic was light, so I’m home safe and getting back into the swing of things. It’s sunny and cold, and I’m emotionally exhausted for reasons that have little to do with the signing. So today’s recoup. I have a few things I’d like to get done around the house, not the least of which is hoovering, but that’s going to have to wait until after lunch.

I hope your weekend was as fun but not as nervewracking, my dears. All in all, it was a good time and I’m glad I got to meet so many fans. I just wish I could find the switch inside my head to make the irrational terror go away.

Hrm. Don’t we all.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm and is filed under Real Life, Deep Thoughts, Events. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.